On Second Thought
by Kitsanken
Summary: Kaoru contemplates her impuslive decision to ask a complete stranger to live with her. COMPLETE
1. Part 1

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_**Summary: **Kaoru contemplates her impuslive decision to ask a complete stranger to live with her._

_- G - English – Drama – Multi-Chapter - Status: Complete –_

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version © N.Watsuki/Shueisha Fuji-TV SME Visual Works Inc. Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**On Second Thought**

By: Chiruken

**Part 1**

I awaken suddenly and listen in the dark for what disturbed my sleep. I stare up into the shadowy recesses of the ceiling unable to hear any other sound save my own breathing and the distant barking of a dog. I shrug and close my eyes, snuggling into my blanket, seeking sleep again. Obviously it was nothing but my own uneasy dreams…and doubts.

Perhaps I acted rashly in inviting a strange man to live here, at the doujou, with me. I told him his past doesn't matter, yet I can't shake the disturbed feeling I get when I dwell on what I know. I'd have to be an idiot if I didn't feel afraid. After all, I grew up on tales of the brutality of Hitokiri Battousai, told to every child to ensure good behaviour. 'If you misbehave, Battousai will come and get you.' I shift nervously on my futon. I must be a fool to have invited the legendary hitokiri to live with me, alone, with no protection save my bokken. I grimace in the darkness. Like that's any use against a katana.

I sigh and roll over onto my stomach, folding my arms under my head. I have to admit he doesn't look like a vicious killer. For one thing, I assumed Battousai would be taller…and not quite so delicate in appearance. I frown, thinking of my guest…boarder, actually, I correct myself. His eyes aren't the eyes of a killer. No, the gentle violet gaze so full of innocence and sadness are not what I envisioned the eyes of a hitokiri to look like. He doesn't act like a hitokiri either. Who ever heard of an assassin cooking and cleaning like he does? He even washes the laundry for kami-sama's sake. I don't know of any normal men doing that, never mind Hitokiri Battousai. Yet he does…and seems to enjoy it, too.

From our first meeting I knew he was different…and I was drawn to him. Despite knowing who he really is, I find myself liking the man who calls himself Himura Kenshin. How could I not like him? His gentle manners and good-natured humor make him very likable. However, what depths does his hide behind his oft times silly exterior? I have observed him when he thinks he's alone and the sadness in his expression touches me deeply. I think he's been very lonely for a very long time. It must be difficult making friends with a past like his. I can't blame him for not wanting to tell me who he really was at first. He probably feared a hysterical reaction.

I raise my head and stare through the shadows at the wall separating him from me. He treats me with the utmost respect…acting almost in a deferential manner befitting that of a servant. It makes me rather uncomfortable, actually. He addresses me in a way an older, matronly woman would be addressed, by someone much younger, which is odd considering he is the older one…by eleven years to be exact. To counter his odd formality I refrain from attaching any honorifics to his name, choosing instead to call him Kenshin. He hasn't corrected my seemingly lack of good manners yet, so I'll continue to do so. My father would be horrified by my lack of courtesy, I suppose, but Kenshin doesn't seem to mind.

I flip onto my back again and pull the blankets up to my chin. Despite my liking for him I can't deny I still fear him. I try not to let it show, though somehow I think he knows. There are times, when we sit sipping tea in the evening, when he will look at me, his violet eyes knowing and so unhappy I feel guilty for my fear.

I'm being irrational and I know it. Kenshin hasn't given me any reason to fear him, quite the opposite, actually. I wince, remembering the events from earlier today. I really shouldn't take my anger and frustrations out on him. It isn't like it's his fault my students haven't come back yet. I still feel bad for hitting him over the head with the water bucket like I did. He was only trying to be helpful. My hands tighten into fists in renewed irritation. He shouldn't have suggested that I teach in other doujou's. Doesn't he understand I want to teach my family's budou, not someone else's?

I take a deep, calming breath and unclench my hands, pushing my annoyance away. I need to get some sleep. I can be reasonable in the morning after getting some rest. I'll apologize to him tomorrow and we'll get on with the day. I yawn and close my eyes, willing myself to fall back to sleep.


	2. Part 2

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_**Summary: **Kaoru contemplates her impuslive decision to ask a complete stranger to live with her._

_- G - English – Drama – Multi-Chapter - Status: Complete –_

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version © N.Watsuki/Shueisha Fuji-TV SME Visual Works Inc. Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**On Second Thought**

By: Chiruken

**Part 2**

I take a deep, calming breath and unclench my hands, pushing my annoyance away. I need to get some sleep. I can be reasonable in the morning after getting some rest. I'll apologize to him tomorrow and we'll get on with the day. I yawn and close my eyes, willing myself to fall back to sleep.

I sit abruptly, straining to hear what woke me up this time. It seems I just closed my eyes when I heard something again. I push the blankets off of me and reach for my bokken before standing. I'll get to the bottom of this one way or another.

Gripping the weapon tightly I tiptoe to the shouji and slide it open quietly. I peek out through the opening, but I don't see anything. I step out and tiptoe to Kenshin's shouji. I listen intently, but hear nothing. Scowling, I turn and begin searching the doujou for signs of an intruder.

Ten minutes later I'm standing in the middle of the yard scowling at the full moon. Nothing. There was absolutely nothing out of place. So what woke me up?

"Kaoru-dono, is everything all right?"

I scream and jump at least two feet. Twisting as I come down, I swing my bokken forcefully. It connects with a sharp crack, sending painful vibrations up my arms. I stare with wide-eyed horror at my cracked bokken. Slowly I look to what it connected with, afraid it was Kenshin's head. "Oh!" I step back hastily. He's holding his saya up and looks a little annoyed. At least I know it wasn't his head I hit. Is his saya made of steel? It must be to have cracked the hardened wood of my bokken.

The annoyance is quickly replaced by concern in his expression. "Kaoru-dono, are you all right? I didn't mean to frighten you. I heard you moving about and was concerned. I am sorry for frightening you, that I am."

I place a hand over my racing heart and draw in a fortifying breath before attempting to answer. "That's all right, Kenshin. I'm fine, really." I hold my bokken for closer inspection and note his hasty step back. He's watching the bokken intently. I grimace. He probably thinks I'll attack him again. "It's broken." I sigh and lower it again. "It was my favorite, too." I inspect his saya as discreetly as I'm able.

He looks down and shuffles his feet in obvious discomfort. "I am sorry, Kaoru-dono, that I am. I didn't mean to…"

I wave a hand in dismissal. "That's all right. It was an accident." I shrug and offer him a wry grin. "What is your saya made of anyway? It seemed too light to be steel."

He shakes his head. "It isn't steel, exactly." He holds it out for inspection. "It has steel imbedded for added support, but it isn't entirely made of steel, that it is not."

I frown at the saya he's holding. "Then how did it crack my bokken?"

"Um…it didn't." I look away from his saya and note his look of embarrassment. "It was my sakabatou your bokken connected with, Kaoru-dono. I am sorry. I should not have used the sakabatou to deflect your attack. I would not have broken your favorite bokken then."

He can't be serious. He used his katana! No one can be that fast…can they? He'd need the speed of the gods to draw and resheath that quickly. Oh yes, I know he's fast…I saw him defeat Gohei's thugs, after all…but my own attack was swift and by any rights he should've only had time to raise his saya. To have drawn a katana, deflected my bokken, and resheathed in the time it took me to turn… Is he even human? I shiver in renewed and reinforced fear and step back quickly, putting some much needed distance between myself and Battousai. "Th-that's all right. It was an accident, right?" It comes out rather high-pitched. I swallow and force a smile to lips stiff with fear. "Well, it's late. I think I'll go back to bed. To sleep. I'm tired."

I turn to flee, but his quiet words freezes me to the spot. "I would never hurt you, Kaoru-dono. Please don't be afraid."

I look at him from the corner of my eye and guilt stabs at me. He looks so woeful and lost I instantly regret my uncharitable thoughts and actions. I slowly turn to face him again. I can't honestly deny that I'm afraid of him, so instead I gesture to the engawa. "Perhaps a warm cup of tea will help me sleep. Would you like some too?" Maybe if I make an effort to get to know him better I won't be afraid of him anymore.

His expression brightens instantly as he nods. "I can prepare the tea if you'd like to get comfortable, that I can." Before I can form a protest he's hurrying towards the kitchen.


	3. Part 3

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_**Summary: **Kaoru contemplates her impuslive decision to ask a complete stranger to live with her._

_- G - English – Drama – Multi-Chapter - Status: Complete –_

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version © N.Watsuki/Shueisha Fuji-TV SME Visual Works Inc. Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**On Second Thought**

By: Chiruken

**Part 3**

His expression brightens instantly as he nods. "I can prepare the tea if you'd like to get comfortable, that I can." Before I can form a protest he's hurrying towards the kitchen.

I sit on the engawa, modestly arranging my sleeping yukata…or at lest trying to. I frown down at the material and tug my braid in irritation. I should purchase a new one. I've had this yukata for a while and I seem to be out growing it.

A short time later Kenshin returns, balancing a tray with cups and a pot on it. He looks up and halts in mid step and looks at me with wide-eyes, a faint blush creeping into his face before he looks away again. He clears his throat almost nervously before speaking, keeping his eyes averted as he sits beside me, carefully maintaining a more than modest distance from me. "It is lovely night, is it not?"

I frown at him and take the cup he's holding out to me. "Yes, it is. Is something wrong?"

He shakes his head. "Oh no, Kaoru-dono." My frown deepens. He sounds too innocent and he's still avoiding looking at me.

I look down at myself and feel a humiliated flush rush into my face. My too small yukata isn't leaving much to the imagination. I set my cup aside and press my hands to my flaming cheeks. "Oh dear." I whisper the words wishing the ground would open up and swallow me, putting me out of my misery.

He coughs into his hand and stands abruptly, turning his back to me. A moment later he shrugs out of his gi and hands it to me. "Perhaps it's a little cool still, is it not? The chill of spring still lingers despite the warmth of the days, that it does."

I arrange his gi over myself, hiding my unintentional immodesty. "Thank you." He resumes his seat and smiles at me quickly before retrieving his cup. I take a deep breath and turn to face him fully. "I'm sorry, Kenshin." He looks a little uncertain and remains silent, offering me a hesitant smile. "For hitting you earlier today and attacking you tonight." I clarify when he continues to look confused.

His smile widens and he shakes his head emphatically. "You don't need to apologize, Kaoru-dono. It was an accident, that it was. I should not have startled you as I did."

I scowl at him peevishly. "Are you always so polite?"

He looks surprised and bewildered. "It is not to your liking?"

I sigh in exasperation. "It's frustrating, that's what it is. Kenshin, you did nothing to provoke…"

"I know that, Kaoru-dono." He quickly interrupts, breaking his usual pattern of infuriating politeness. "However, what's done is done with no lasting damage. Why dwell on something so harmless? Everyone must vent their frustrations some how." His smile widens into a grin. "I do admit your methods are surprisingly unorthodox, but if that's your way to alleviate your tension, who am I to argue?" He rubs his head with a slight grimace. "However, if that is how you work off your anger, I must humbly request that you use something a little less solid than the water bucket. It left a nasty little bump, that it did."

Is he saying he doesn't care if I hit him? I scratch my head, puzzled by his odd behavior. "Um…what would you suggest then?"

He looks up at the sky, a pensive expression on his face. "In truth I would suggest using an inanimate object as a target. However, if it's more…um…satisfying to use me for your target, might I suggest something softer? Your damaged bokken perhaps?"

I press my lips together in an attempt to hold in my amusement, but a giggle escapes despite my efforts. "You're the only person I know who wouldn't be angry about what I did. Why is that?"

"Why should I be angry, Kaoru-dono?" He shrugs and pours more tea into my cup. "We all have odd quirks. You hit things when you're upset and I wash things to relieve my tension." I blink in surprise. In that case, he must be very tense. He gestures at me vaguely. "You choose to sleep in a small yukata and I choose to sleep fully dressed. You sleep in your futon and I choose to sleep sitting up. We each have our own ways of doing things, that we do."

"You sleep sitting up? Isn't that uncomfortable?"

He shakes his head. "Not really. I've been doing it for years, so I'm used to it." He looks into his cup, frowning slightly. "Kaoru-dono, why did you ask me to stay?"


	4. Part 4

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_**Summary: **Kaoru contemplates her impuslive decision to ask a complete stranger to live with her._

_- G - English – Drama – Multi-Chapter - Status: Complete –_

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version © N.Watsuki/Shueisha Fuji-TV SME Visual Works Inc. Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**On Second Thought**

By: Chiruken

**Part 4**

He looks into his cup, frowning slightly. "Kaoru-dono, why did you ask me to stay?"

"Um…Warrior's Compassion?" I offer it nervously. In truth it was an impulsive decision, but he doesn't need to know that.

"Do you do this often? Invite strangers to stay with you out of warrior's compassion?"

"Of course not! I'm not a complete blockhead. There are very dangerous people lurking out there. It would be very foolish indeed to let them come into my home, especially since I live alone."

"And yet you invited me to stay, knowing full well who I am. Would you not call Hitokiri Battousai dangerous?"

I open my mouth to protest, but the words die unspoken. He's right. Besides, haven't I been experiencing misgivings about my impulsive decision? "In all honesty I don't know how to answer that. When we first met you were rurouni, then when Gohei attacked my doujou I discovered you were the real Battousai, but truthfully, I asked Himura Kenshin to stay."

He smiles, though somehow it's the saddest expression I've ever seen. "I thank you for your kind words, Kaoru-dono. However, I think perhaps it would be best if I left in the morning, that I do."

My eyes widen in sudden, inexplicable fear. "But why?"

He looks up from his cup, meeting my gaze with his gentle violet eyes. "For many reasons. Your reputation may suffer for having an unrelated man living with you alone and unchaperoned."

I shake my head emphatically. "I don't care about that!"

"You should. It would make it difficult to explain when you wish to find a husband."

"Is that all?" I snort derisively…a decidedly unladylike sound. "I have no desire to chain myself to anyone. I value my independence far too much to give it up so easily."

"There will come a day when you won't feel that way." He shrugs and sets his cup aside again. "In truth, it isn't my business what you do or don't do, that it is not." He sighs and folds his hands in his lap and looks down at them. "There is also the fact that I seem to cause you great discomfort. I have no wish to cause you unease, Kaoru-dono, but my presence seems to do just that."

I sigh and set my own cup aside. "I can't deny I feel a little nervous around you, Kenshin, but I think it's because we're still strangers to each other." I lean forward and peer into his face, past his hair, which has fallen forward. "It takes time to get to know people and maybe a little more time is what's needed." I bite my lip and plunge in headfirst. "I like you, Kenshin…and mean you, the man I'm beginning to know. I told you the truth before, I truly don't care about your past. I admit I'm a little frightened of your reputation, but that's because of all the stories parents tell their children, I think. You certainly don't appear to enjoy eating children for breakfast."

A look of distaste crosses his face. "Um…no, I prefer miso soup for breakfast, that I do."

"Then it's settled. You'll stay." I smile and retrieve my cup and take a sip of the rapidly cooling liquid with a grimace. I stand quickly, Kenshin's gi sliding to the engawa. "I'll get more hot water. I'll be just a moment." I hurry towards the kitchen, but pause at the shouji and look back, over my shoulder. He's looking at me with the oddest expression I can't quite decipher. It seems to be a mixture of happiness and worry, hope and uncertainty, and affection and fear. I duck into the kitchen, searching for the kettle. I don't think I'm afraid of him anymore. When he said he was leaving I was afraid…but not of him. No, what I feared was never seeing him again and not getting to know him better. I have discovered tonight under the moonlight that there is so much more to Himura Kenshin than I first thought. No, I'm not afraid of him anymore…I'm beginning to think I never was, that what caused my nervousness were my own feelings towards him. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to prove to him in the coming days that he doesn't frighten me any more.


End file.
